Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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