Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
