Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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