Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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