oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
