Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
