then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He has the fingertips of a God
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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