jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it penis luge time yet?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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