Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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