that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
