Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
