my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
