Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
