Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
