I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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