I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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