she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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