Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
