dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
