I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
