I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
