Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
