Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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