After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
