The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
