Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
