Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
