You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
