I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
