I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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