I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
