Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
