i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
