Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
