dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
