does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
