I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
