Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
