I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
