dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
