just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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