Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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