If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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