I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
