Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
