Can Purell be used as lube?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
