Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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