Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
