How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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