Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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