Cold hands, warm shart.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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