Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
