some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
